Sunday, May 3, 2009

Approaching half a century

I turn 50 this week.

At 50 you should know who you are right? So this is who I think I am and who I am not. Who I want to be and what it means to me to be 50. And my bucket list before I leave this world. :)

What I am.
I am caring, compassionate, crazy, silly, a geek/ nerd at times, empathetic, I am a thinker, a giver, a lover, a mother, a friend ,a sister, a wife, a mentor, a aunt, a grandmother, a listener, I am a bit OCD, I am a child of God, I am a sinner, a nature lover, a animal lover, a fighter for injustices, I am quite, ,shy, not trusting of people until I get to know their heart. I am a bit stubborn, a romantic, a helper.I am loyal, trustworthy, respectful, kind,forgiving, I am adventurous , spontaneous at times, I am a people watcher, I am a planner. I am friendly. I am random at times. I am a quick learner, I am healthy. I am an over comer. I am resilient.I am an advocate.

What I am not:
I am not a angry person ,I do not live in the past but rather for today. I am not confident in all the abilities God has given. I am not perfect .I am not photogenic. I am not a singer, although I think I am. I am not a risk taker, although I have taken risk. I am not selfish. I am not materialistic. I am not who I was when I was younger. I don't let people get to close to my heart. I am not a great cook. I am not a morning person. I am not a public speaker .
I am not political. I am not judgmental. I am not mathematical. I am not racist. I am not who God wants me to be yet. I am not a size 5 nor do I want to be. I am not a beauty queen but I am not a bag over your head either. I am not fat. I am not good at taking any kind of medication.
I am not a city girl. I am not a poet or a writer, although I do write.

Who I would like to be:
The woman God intended me to be.
The woman that reflects the fruits of the Spirit.
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

What I love:
Laughing until you cry, A good book ,A good movie, Music, Singing, Sunsets /Sunrises ,Having 4 seasons, the smell of rain ,the wonder of life through a child's eyes ,Holding my grandsons as they fall asleep, planting flowers/ gardens, feeling the soil ,the beauty and art in nature, God's Creations, Poetry, a storm, the night sky, the ocean, playing in the rain, Baking sweets, my Husband, spending time with my children , My family's humor ,My family's outspokenness ,
My family's love ,My Grandsons, Hugs ,My dogs, Vacations, Sharing a glass of wine with friends
Dancing ,Back yard bar- b -ques, Picnics, Hiking ,Camping, Spending time with God, Studying the Bible, Learning about other beliefs and cultures, trying foods unfamiliar to me, Traveling,
Helping others, the kindness of strangers, seeing God's heart in people through their actions,
wild flowers, forest, streams, creeks, mountains, Honesty between friends, Soldiers, My Country.

My list of things to do before I leave this world and what I need to work on.

Be what God intended me to be .
Not Judge Christians based on their actions; it's between them and God
Work on Holiness within me.

This must be a 50 year old thing :
I want to tandem jump from a airplane
Work my way up to the highest level in white water rafting.
Climb Kilimanjaro

My hearts desire is to :
Help a street child or orphan or a foster child to see their worth and their value. Live in another country with a family to help with an orphanage for a summer.
Do more to make the world a better place for my grandchildren and future generations.

Spend More Time with My husband

I want to:
go back to Africa, visit Egypt ,Italy, Greece, Turkey,Spain and Jerusalem,Australia,Alaska, India, Ireland, London, France. Norway Sweden. Brazil, Costa Rica, umm... I think this means I want to see the world.

I want to study Theology,
I want to start a State or local resource Center for Children aging out of Foster Care.

I want to see:
Heather sing on stage at a concert
Heather/Nikki graduate college
Heather get married
Garrett and Ashley's Children
Lenny not work so many hours .
I want to spend the night in a haunted place.
I want to understand my sixth sense better .

People I want to meet that touch my life and unknowingly have brought me closer to God.
Anirban, Arrol, Ullas, Brian, Beth, Jason

So here it is . I am 50 .
I don't like saying I am 50 . I would rather say I am a hot 25 year old, however, I realize I like who I am at 50. I have my hot moments ;) . I have been blessed with a wonderful life.
I have nothing to prove to anyone and I only need God's approval for my life. The one thing I have learned is that without forgiveness you never go forward and that the pain and heartache from abuse, neglect and abandonment never goes away. But it does not define who you are, who you can be or keep you from achieving your goals. With God all things are possible.
No matter how old you are you should learn something new everyday.
I often wonder does Wisdom come from age or with age? What is true Wisdom?
The Bible has the answers.

And he said to man, 'The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.'

James 3:17
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure;then peace loving,
considerate, submissive,full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

I am happy to be alive.....................

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